Platonish

Let me think of the perfect metaphor of my situation now. A cork floating in the ocean under the impact of a storm that will make John Rackham beg for his life. There. I think that's pretty accurate.

Everything went above my head so quickly I'm not even sure what is going on. I wonder myself if this true. My feelings are they real? Or are they just a manifestation of my fear?  I lost my grounds, my grips, I feel like my ordered life is turned topsy-turvy. It's too tangled, too sudden, too...unbelievable.

And how can I be sure when it comes to him? I know the feeling of being someone special and somehow I just...can't feel it. Am I his charity case? His yes is an act of pity, without him really meaning it? I sound so disgusting, doubting my best friend to this extent. I do trust him, I want to believe but how can you when there's so many holes in the story?

I wish I could take back my selfish answer. I'm so petrified of the idea of losing him, I ended up driving him away. I admit I fucked up. How can I make a person I care about went through all of this? I don't know how this thing will end, I just know that I must prepare myself for the worst possible outcome.

I wish platonic is more than just a word.

"Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves." - Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare