Inside Wants Out

Did you ever want something so bad that you burst into tears and weep? If you're four years old then I'll be surprised if you don't. Problem is, you're not. I'm not. Hopefully, we're all not. But I have this desire, very very big desire, to see the world. I have always had this wish but never as strong as it is now. I spent the past two hours staring at my laptop screen and scouring for any travel agent in Indonesia that offers international tours. And unfortunately, no offers fit my pocket.

I grew up in Indonesia, not a developed country, but beautiful and daring. I love my country so much but it's like living in a box you've given birth into; At first, the box seemed so big and spacious. As you grow up, you eventually realize that the box is not growing with you. It doesn't expand. Within sixteen years, your head and arms and leg were struggling to fit inside the box. Some people were able to adapt and feel comfortable living in that box because they made up soothing reason to entertain themselves. "I've lived in this box my entire life and I feel fine. I will not sacrifice this just to have a peek of the outside world" or "I know my strength. I'll never be able to break this box. Rather than fracturing my limb in the process, I think I'll survive living inside this box"

But I don't want this kind of life! Ordinary is boring. Normal is overrated. I want to not only take a peek of the outside world but also be a part of it. See it with my own eyes. Breathe the air with my own nose, hear the crowd's voices with my own ears and feel the ground with my own feet. I don't want to leave this world with only a few pictures in my camera. It will be a waste of money since the camera worth a fortune, right? I truly believe that the world is too small for someone with a will. And hopefully I can overcome this economic trench between me and my outside world and then finally, I can live the life I want to live.

Sure I'm exaggerating. There is more to life than just filling in photo albums. I've said it myself. But is it wrong to have a wish? I will never know whether I'll be able to break my box or end up exhausted and surrender, adapted to live inside the box. This dream is a one-to-a-million shot. I will need a hefty sum of money to be able to live the life I want to live. I even doubted myself will this ever be come true. But a girl can dream, can't she?

To all the places I have not visit, yet. And to the languages I have not mastered, yet. And to all my friends I have not met, yet: I love you, unconditionally. -Lindy Dharmawan